Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
Since I’m returning to my blog after two months, I’m gonna talk more crap than usual. This kinda stuff is mostly why my blog has a worldwide readership of 10. That’s up from 6 when I last checked at the turn of the year. Yay. Nonetheless, that’s 0.00000016% of the world’s population. I’m so bad that you 10 suckers shouldn’t even be here.
Random realizations have a funny way of coming about. Bear with my convoluted explanation here…
For starters, I’m a huge fan of spy novels. I swear by Robert Ludlum. Would probably gladly be his bitch if we’d ever met. Which is why me reading Chetan fuckin’ Bhagat is very out of the ordinary. I only recently purchased his third novel coz its cheap, a measly 95 rs.; I have his two other novels as well, for the same reason.
Anyway, moving on…
A bit of background. My best friends are all girls. The only people who will read this tripe are part of that female fan following. And I’ve realized that I’ve played the wrong cards with most of the girls I know. I’m stuck with all of them in what is, I believe, popularly known as the “friend zone.” Or worse.
To return to the book mention above, a line goes to the effect, “you go down to the lowest category invented by Indian women ever—rakhi brother.” I assume I will not be sued for reproducing this…
The whole rakhi concept is of course to do with a sister tying a string on her brother’s wrist, in return of which, usually for the price of a Cadbury dairy milk chocolate, the brother is supposed to “protect” his sister from all evils or whatever. I’m quite fuck-all when it comes to this traditional stuff; I only do national holidays (i mostly loaf), and although I’m an atheist, Sundays coz it’s God’s holiday. Good on Him.
I am a proud (?) member of this lowest category. I have, at last count, something like 10 rakhi sisters. That’s 10 girls, some of them rather nice, who are completely out of reach. Can’t do shit about/with/to them. These are girls who could potentially do naughty things to me. Instead, they gimme playful punches and ruffle my hair around. I remember doing the same stuff to my dog.
This is not even like shooting yourself in the foot. More like shooting your left nut off. Reduced potency both ways.
Doom.
So ladies… take a chance.
June 19, 2008 at 9:22 pm
“More like shooting your left nut off.” Appealing imagery, Dush.
No wonder the women are lined up. Not.
I suggest you try exposing that cute, gentlemanly side of you more. It’ll work like a charm.
(Awesome come-back post, btw
)
June 25, 2008 at 10:56 pm
dunno what side this is you see. maybe i can show all women i meet One Fine Day first n hope for the best :-p
June 26, 2008 at 12:27 am
yea! wtf Are Rakhi brothers? My mom always bought like 20 rakhis (cheap ones) each year and me tie it to every boy i knew. So innocent was I, that i didnt realize that I couldn’t Like Anyone of ‘em. ever!. But its worked out well, lets say
hmm! not ALL the rakhi brothers Gave Me gifts too!
Thank heavens for no brotherly rituals here. ugh!
July 1, 2008 at 6:59 pm
The only people who will read this tripe are part of that female fan following.
Seriously. Give yourself (and thereby, us) some credit.
Hilllaariious post, Grumps. And keep faith.
P.S. Do carry One Fine Day in your pen drive ALL the time. We will practice fake convo (much like the backpacking story in FRIENDS)
July 3, 2008 at 3:37 pm
@Imp
Rakhi brothers are a sad hopeless lot. They also deplete their bank accounts, sometimes severely, once a year in order to dole out gifts and remain a sad and hopeless lot. Let’s just say I’m gonna consider abandoning some of these pseudo sisters.
@Raulette
look at all the comment-posters and you’ll understand why that statement. anyway…