Weird Parallel…

After almost a week of laboring over a stupid name, i have finally arrived. My blog has arrived. In its nonexistent glory. Here. WordPress. Which, i must say, at first glance looks a lot better than Blogger. Blogger, which i only used coz (a) it was convenient since i already had a Google account and all that and (b) i didn’t know shit about blogs.

I still don’t know shit about blogs. At least i don’t know how to make a good one. So i welcome you, my devoted, select audience. All six of you. Or is it five? Perhaps i can take some pride in the fact that my blog will now be ignored on a much much larger stage. Millions will not notice this little spot on the Internet. Imagine that.

Anyway, those who know and who used to kindly drop by can now read my trash out here. In a new improved awesome superfantabulous package that will really grab you. This in fact is a lot like advertising. Same old trash, new package. Enjoy.

Goa Reloaded…

Looking through some of my Goa pics, which I’ve finally got my hands on (tho its an awful shame that 200 pics from my phone are, alongwith my phone, not with me anymore), reminded me of several weird n funny things that I’d done out there. The editor in me does not like the above sentence, too much of a pause in the middle of it… ah hell.

Anyway, since I’m a weirdly methodical person, I’m gonna be boring n make a list.
1. If any of our parents see our photos, they will throw us outta our homes. Forever. For some reason, we took most of our photos when someone was drunk, drinking, smoking, or doing some otherwise weird thing.
2. There’s too many foreigners in the north half of Goa. They’re literally everywhere. Probably outnumbering the locals two to one. Doing all the things that the locals do. Embracing fuckin’ India. It gets weird when they try to speak Hindi tho. That shit is funny as hell… Someone should tell ‘em that we speak better English than they do.
3. There are no foreigners in the south half of Goa. Nowhere. Its like they’re all hiding someplace. You gotta actually look for these fellows… not that there’s any reason to, but still…
4. Drunk foreigners are fun. We were sittin’ at some beach place, happily drunk, when this insanely drunk Finnish dude swayed up and wished me and three other friends a happy birthday. Turns out it was his birthday. I thought this dude was funny, coz rite after he stumbled away, he began grabbing at his lady friend. And that we didn’t take a pic of…
5. Doped foreigners are even more fun. We were at what was the beginnings of a rave party on a beach in the north. Dope was already doin’ the rounds, and lotsa whiteskins were really fucked up… It was hilarious to watch all kinds of weirdos randomly dancing, yelling, doin’ weird shit. And I think all these dudes know each other or something. You’d have one guy walk past this other woman, and they’d go all “Hey!,” and exchange a quick kiss or peck on the cheek. Most of them spoke completely different languages I think, but they were too high to care. Highlight of the night would have to be these two women who went “Hey!” and then made out!!! Right in front of us!!! Again, this we didn’t capture as fodder for a lonely night…
6. People in south Goa are extremely lazy. For the brief bit that we were there, we had an extremely hard time getting even basic necessities (alcohol, food, cigarettes, transportation… in that order). All the shops would always be closed. Its like they didn’t wanna do business and make money. Open shops would hastily down shutters if they saw us approaching. Like they’re all going “No, please, I don’t want your money, lemme sleep!”
7. Lotsa Indian tourists are sick perverts. When we went to beaches, we guys would quietly observe the natural beauty… beauties… around us. Having glares at a time like this helps, coz the women can’t see what we’re staring at. But at least we were being discreet. At some beaches, I saw Indian guys actually standing rite in front all these women and take pictures!!! The creepier guys were tryin’ to take videos. Get some porn you assholes…
8. This one is a little random, but I think Domino’s is invading Goa. Yes Domino’s. The friendly neighborhood pizza assholes. Everywhere we went, we’d see some Domino’s guys passing out menus. When I mean everywhere, really everywhere. These guys were on the streets, on beaches, riding around, knocking on our doors and shit. I swear, some of them even took aim and threw menus at us as when we were riding around. Creepy bastards…

Its a surprise I could even remember so much from that trip. Considerin’ that i was kinda outta my senses for a fair bit…

Crappy New Year

Imagine the worst day of your life, make it around five times as worse, and you’ll have a pretty good idea of what my new year was like.

I got robbed on fuckin’ new year’s night. Big time. Most people probably came back home in the wee hours happily drunk and all that. I, on the other hand, due to my wonderful adventures of that stupid night, trudged back home in a state of wild disarray. If my new year’s night was a MasterCard advertisement, it would probably go like this.
Cost of stolen super-cool mobile phone: 21000 rs.
Talk time lost, also on the damn phone: 950 rs.
Cost of cargoes that were ripped in attempt to get to my wallet: 1500 rs.
Money stolen from said wallet: 500 rs.
Realization that getting drunk is absolutely fuckin’ stupid: Priceless.

That does it for me and drinking. In spite of having a good example of why not to drink, that being my estranged father who I hope dies miserably, I have fooled myself into thinking that drinking is something I can handle. Obviously not the case. Not when it puts me into semi-financial ruin. Not when it gets me robbed and mugged, and potentially worse. About the only thing useful I would do when drunk was dance… extremely badly.

I just wish I could get my hands on the fellow who ripped me off. Would gladly get to work on him with pliers and a blunt knife. I wouldn’t even mind not getting all my stuff back for a chance like that.

As it stands, I’m tryin’ to get life back on track. Had to lie to the police to get a note that allows me to get my old number back. Have to buy a phone. Restart my connection. Get new clothes. Forget this feeling of absolute guilt and stupidity. Damn. Fine way to start the new fucking year.

Then again, with any luck, things can only look up from here.

Nobody will read this…

Time to write another post that will go largely, if not completely, unnoticed. I’ve done several boring things in the one month since I’ve last bothered coming here.

1. CAT exam: I don’t even know why I went for this. Probably mostly coz I spent 1100 hard earned rupees on the stupid form. That and the bane of all kids/teens/whatever still living with their parents… family pressure. Money which would have been better invested in buying some new gear for my PC. I don’t understand why whoever comes up with shit exams in India thinks that would-be managers really need to know some useless stuff about circles and equations n dunno what else. The only reason I care to mention this one is that with just 6 hours of preparation, I’ve done better than most friends who spent a year preparing for this dumbshit exam. Oh, they also spent close to 20000 bucks for their stupid classes. Losers…
And just why the fuck do they call it “belling” the CAT???

2. Getting promoted: I’m still undecided on this one. I’m now the assistant manager of my team. Which means that unlike before, when I came/ left to/from work just about whenever I pleased, I now have to be there by 9:30. Which is something I had a real hard time doing in bloody college. Still have to work just as hard, if not harder. On the bright side, I’ll probably get more money. This, btw, is one more reason my CAT friends are losers. I’m already a manager. Beat that.

3. Saw the Scorpions: This one is actually not boring… in fact, its the only cool thing I’ve done in the last month. Go to a rock concert. Scorpions. Fuckin’ hell. The fact that they’re old notwithstanding, these guys really kick ass. All the classics, and then some more. Considering that I made my humble beginnings as a metalhead listening to “Rock you like a hurricane,” this whole experience was actually rather interesting. Besides, its been ages since I’ve showed up home with a stiff neck, aching head, ringing ears, and a throat so hoarse that barking dogs sound nicer.

On the bright side, things will look up in a couple of days time. That’s when I head off to Goa, which, although I’ve been there only twice, is a place I really love. I don’t care that its all beautiful n all that tho. Booze is cheap. Period.

Travelogue 2: Men Really are Disgusting

Everyone always harps about the problems women face when using public transport in Bombay. Which is quite understandable, given the multitudes of perverts trying to get a bit of a crotch-rub against a female body. Just goes to show that men, especially the cheap Bombay variety, can be real bitches.

However, I’ve recently had reason to dislike men (at least some of them) on a whole other level. The gents compartment in a local train in Bombay has never been known for being particularly empty. Heck, as a traveler, I consider myself lucky to get around half a square foot of space to stand in. Which is just the kind of situation I found myself in a couple of days back. Squashed up in the middle of a compartment. This particular journey seemed to be going as well as it could. I had settled myself in a state that was rather like suspended animation, biding my time. The men in the gents compartment have this way of achieving a kind of equilibrium with the bodies around them.

All seemed fine even when I felt a hand brush my thigh. I know this is not uncommon in the train. People wanna reach for their wallets or kerchiefs or something just as innocuous.

Its only when that hand moved in a bit more that I felt completely revolted. Nothing innocuous about this. Thanks to the crowd, it was impossible to even move my hand around quick enough to bat that unknown hand away. That unknown hand had moved away before I could get a hand on it to figure out who this creep was. During which time, all I could really do was cringe and squirm.

To date, this is about the sickest thing I’ve had to endure. Can totally sympathize with the women who describe this feeling of being abused. At least its the opposite sex doing that shit to them… this is far worse.

Communing with my Computer…

Last night was incredible fun. Now don’t get dirty ideas from that. This has nothing to do with girls or anything remotely saucy.

Last night, I turned on my computer. Logged into my user account. My download client fired up automatically, just the way I’ve set it to. It started downloading automatically as well, just the way I’ve scheduled it to. I monitored the state of activities for a few minutes, and the pirate in me was satisfied that my computer had eased into its nightly mass-downloading routine. At the speed at which it was going, about 40 KB/s, I knew that by the morning, when the downloads would automatically stop too, just the way I’ve scheduled it, I would have finished Friends Season 3, and would have been halfway through Die Hard 4.

All in all, I was quite satisfied with what I saw. Well, not quite…

My computer has no monitor. Repair guy took it away, not for too long I hope. Was almost heartbroken at that…

Nonetheless, I went to bed almost feeling proud that I could tell exactly what was happening on my computer from a flashing hard disk light, and could determine the state of my internet connection from the rapidity with which the light flashed on my modem.

I’m still smilin’ like a goofball thinkin’ about doin’ this same thing tonite…

That Top is Aquamarine…

Yes. I actually said that yesterday when shopping for the girlfriend. I still can’t believe I said that. A person who can’t tell the difference between purple and violet suddenly recognized aqua-f*****-marine.

Is this what the point of a relationship is? Womanize the man?

I think yesterday evening was a watershed event in that respect. I amazed myself, and thrilled her, by actually picking out an entire ensemble for her to wear at a wedding. Oh dear Satan, did I just say ensemble???

Relationships are cruel on the men. We are expected to learn these girlie things. Clothes, fashion, matching colors, means of skin care, hair styling. And we are looked at with disdain until we do figure out this stuff.

I don’t remember the last time a relationship manized the woman. I’ve never seen her share my enthusiasm for Manchester United’s match last night, the F1 championship, or my new computer gizmos.

So unfair.

I’m Getting Married…

…to my computer. I’ve realized that I have totally crossed over to some kind of alternate geek universe. In the daytime, I work as an editor, going through oddball documents in ridiculous English that land up on my screen straight from Japan, or some other such East Asian country. This is actually the easy part.

The rest of my day is spent tinkering around with some damn computers. Not just my own, since I moonlight as a computer fix-it person for some extra money. Take Sunday for example, when I left home at 7:00 in the evening, and went to three different places to fix stuff ranging from a non-working modem, improperly-working pirated antivirus software, and don’t-know-how-its-working MP3 player, to finally get home at 12:30. Then there’s Monday. Rushed home from work, but picked up a PC on the way so that I could fix it later. Then there’s today, when I’ll again be rushing home to fix all the computer crap lying around in my room.

My room looks like Bill Gates’ wet dream. Open pouches of CDs lying around, and a few CDs strewn around on the table. Three computers, all of them opened up. There’s hard disks, cables, screws, screwdrivers, more cables, and some other crap that I don’t even remember seeing before, just lying around everywhere. I’ve got crap interpersonal skills, but I can relate to computer mood swings just fine. Can’t remember birthdays and telephone numbers, but can remember a random, 25-character alphanumeric product key for Windows XP.

I’m screwed…

Where are my vows?

Tech Talk

Being the computer geek that I am, I’ve decided to start off a tech section up on this blog. So along with the random rubbish I occasionally come up with, there’ll also be some useful info over here. Everything ranging from tips & tricks, software reviews, and do-it-yourself sections will find its way here as soon as I have a little less work to do in my office. So all my readers (all five of you’ll), keep an eye out.

Random Disconnected Thoughts…

I feel tired sometimes, when I get home in the evenings after work. I’m not physically exhausted. Or sleepy. Or hungry. Nothing close to any of that. Just something I feel up in my head. My brain screaming at me to just stop.

I’m almost 23. That’s so many thousands of days and hours. And yet, I dont think I can remember the last time I spent a day, or even an hour, of complete peace and quiet. The last time I just stared at the sky, or some trees swayin’ in the wind. The last time I slept peacefully, with nothing on my mind.

Everything’s always so hectic. There’s always so much to do. That exam I must crack. That thing at work. The credit card bill to pay.

When did life get so complicated? I don’t remember askin’ for this bizarre, always-on-the-edge existence.

I’m tired. I think I’ll lie down to sleep. I can hear it beginning to rain. Maybe I’ll lie down listening to the rain. And fall asleep. Peacefully. For a change.